Wednesday, March 17, 2004

comments on 3rd version

I think this is the strangest revision I've ever done. I have very little interest in this poem. I am sure I did not when I wrote the 1997 version. There are technical things I was trying -- the building up of elements, the rather banal opening line that wants a new context.

The 2nd version tried to take some of the elements without the structure. Or something.

The 3rd version goes back to the first version, upends it, and tries to go from the bigger "worth" stuff to the smaller "hold your hand." It's ready to conscript abstract terms like "values" and "ideas." I was doing small edits as I created this new version then stopped myself. The goal in this blog project is to present as complete a picture of the process to which I'm subjecting this piece as I can. The piece is getting more interesting in some ways but it hasn't managed to import a heart.

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