Wednesday, July 11, 2007

"On the Edge" version 3

Bespoke, custom-cut, hand-stitched,

even so some threads bunch, it’s the weave

gives you that pucker, which feature

lets in what stirs in high heat a summer.

Blue-and-white pinstripe number,

to normal wool cool alternate,

but what to wear with you? It’s a light

buckskin lace-up with sole of red rubber,

paisley blue tie, a pink button-down,

white pocket square and hat of brave straw

that won’t overdo. Though suspenders? A no.

Where to take you on a day like this? The coast?

The cliff? The rocks below wet like lips?

Those flops of seaweed and blue mussel shells,

barnacles in their beak pucker white.

It’s too late, the sea wind sings, checking the watch,

thin and gold among the dark hairs of the wrist.

The wind will wear you, won’t she, work her way

through to the boy inside.


LKD said...

I have no problem with the second person being the suit in the poem.

The poem's damned good. I haven't read any of its previous incarnations. Revision is hard work. One must be careful yet ruthless. Brave of you to do it here in public.

I like the last line a hell of a lot.

I misread it as:

The wind will wear you, won't she, work her way through the boy inside.

Through. Not through to.

Which is how I feel on windy days. Like the wind is working its way through me.

Glad I came here and stayed a while. Been cruising through, too fast.

Damned glad to see you're finally allowing comments here too.

Glenn Ingersoll said...

hi Laurel,

Thanks for adding a few thoughts. I presented the poem tonight to my little writers group. I don't have a handle on it yet, but it's interesting trying things.


LKD said...

Do you find that reading a poem that's in progress or in process or whatever the hell one might call a poem that's not there yet helps you help the poem?

I guess what I'm asking has to do with how real a poem feels when it's read out loud to even one other person rather than read silently or aloud to oneself--does the realitly of the reading experience help you see/hear/feel the poem more clearly?

Thus, making the revision process easier?