Maybe "my closed eye" rather than just "closed eye" ... I rather like the last word of the previous stanza being "open" and the first word of the next being "closed" but the bare "closed eye" sounds artificially shorn. Otherwise this version has a good feel to it.
The poem was first written twenty years ago when I put my face to the seething mineral water I'd just poured from a bottle. Yesterday when I emptied a can of seltzer water into a glass I replicated the gesture. Tiny cool dots touching the skin of my eyelid. Before I did that I'd been considering the word "flinching" ... wouldn't the unexpected misting on my sensitive eyelid cause it to twitch? ... it didn't.
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